A little advice please

Ok, so, if there was a contest for stubborness, hardheadedness, “strong willed-ness” (you fill in the blank), I think my daughter would take 1st.   She had the most embarrassing display on our flight this afternoon back from WA, all because she wouldn’t get her shoes on and didn’t want me to get off the plane.  Another outburst was also this evening when she wouldn’t wash her hands.  I keep thinking that she is going to tame this side of her personality to make my life a little easier, but I think I’ve just gotta get used to it.  I feel like timeouts are just power struggles.  Any advice on raising a child like this?

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6 Responses to A little advice please

  1. Jill R. says:

    No, but if you figure something out let me know!

  2. Jean says:

    I have no idea, but I can tell you that Weston is getting more willful every day. If you learn anything useful, please share. 🙂

  3. Not that I have very good advice but I have taken a couple of parenting classes in the last little while and they have been so so helpful.

    I have a couple of children with wills like hers and they are HARD when they decide to be that way. I have to admit the best thing is to let her think she has options like if she won’t get her shoes on because she knows you want her to offer ther the alternative ok Kimi you can either put your own shoes on or mommy will put them on for you, you chose and then you turn it back on her and she gets to decide not you, so she thinks, but really you are getting what you need to have done as well. maybe you have tried this and it still doesn’t work.

    Another thing in one of the classes they talked about you being in charge and letting them make mistakes and have natural consequesces for things when the price is small, so that as they get older and the price is bigger they will hopefully have learned the lesson. You can’t do it with dangerous things but like you can say Kimi you need to pick up all the toys in your room, she doesn’t and then you say ok you need to pick up all the toys in your room or you want watch a show later. Then if she doesn’t and later she wants to watch a show you very lovingly with NO SCARSIM say as soon as those toys are picked up “feel free” to watch a show.

    It is so hard to stay calm or un-frustrated when they are so frustrating but if they see you fuming they love it:) if you try to teach them when you are stark raving mad then they won’t learn a thing from the lecture.

    trust me I am really working on a lot of these things myself and I am horrible at a lot of them. I am taking a class right now so they are fresh on my mind. being a good parent is hard I will admit. Thank goodness for a little bit of prayer sometimes too.

    Call if you just need to talk sometime. I miss you!! I hope you are doing great


  4. Mikaela says:

    Hi Carly! I’ve seen your site a few times, but I’ve never commented. I hope you don’t mind me lurking. I think that you described MY child in that description. Apparently Kimi is cut from the same cloth. I can completely sympathize with you on a lot of what you are saying. I agree with Deborah about giving her choices. That helps maybe 1 or 5 times around here! 🙂 I also think that you just have to pick your battles. If you fight her on everything, she will wear you down a lot faster. So pick a few things to really push her on. I’ve found I don’t get so mentally and emotionally exhausted when I focus on a few things only.

    Also, I’ve found that sending my kid to pre-school has helped ALL of us. There’s other people enforcing behaviors and having expectations. So I don’t feel alone in being consistent. I also like that we have some separation so I get some down-time.

    I read a book called 1-2-3 Magic, that was recommended to me. It is basic stuff, and you count to 3 with your kids when you want to stop a behavior. It gives reasoning and things and talks about HOW to do it. It has helped us a lot, too. McKay definately knows that when 3 hits he will get a punishment, and it gives him a choice as to whether or not he chooses a punishment or not. Just a thought!

    Hang in there. Motherhood’s tough! Someday it’ll be worth it! Oh, and I hope you don’t mind that I shared my opinion. Good luck!

    ~Mikaela (Knight) Selbe

  5. jennis says:

    Um, I don’t think I’m any sort of parenting expert, but Kendra is of the same stubborn dramatic stamp as Kimi, and I know with both my kids I’m always looking for more ideas to try, so here’s a few things we’ve learned…

    I agree with trying to give as many decisions to the child as possible, but we’ve had to limit the number of options (or she thinks there’s an unlimited number of choices). You really have to reconsider what is important. Like, not wearing shoes at all could be an option 🙂

    Also, I realized with Kendra that any intensity I brought to the situation was absorbed and amped up by Kendra. So, even though it was HARD, I learned to (*most of the time*) discipline her calmly. Because otherwise, I made the situation worse.

    We also had to diversify our punishments, because whenever we used just one she would decide not to care about it. That was hardest for Jared since he wasn’t around all the time and he would tend to use just one. I tried to quantify her privileges so that it was more concrete when I took them away– for example, I gave her 2 tv tickets per day that she could use to watch something on pbs. When she did something to lose tv privileges, then I took a ticket away, and that was easier for her to understand.

    Being a mom is HARD. I used to want someone to tell me that my kids were harder to parent than other kids because then I would feel better about how much I was strugging with them!! But I eventually realized that parenting is challenging for *everyone*! If you’re overwhelmed at times, that just means that you’re trying. So keep trying! Take care, and good luck!

  6. Carly says:

    Wow, thanks for all the GREAT advice. I’m going to make a mental note and try out some of these things. Thanks for taking the time to give me some tips!

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